But it wasn’t all easy for this group of matchmakers. They hit some bumps along the way.
“Sometimes we have to deal with unrealistic expectations,” Jason admits. “The Creature from the Black Lagoon watched The Shape of Water and now he wants his own chick with gills. We tried to hook him up with a couple of mermaids but he’s picky, man.”
“And then we’ve got people who just aren’t here for the right reasons.” Freddy frowns. “Fucking Winchesters. We lost some good clients to them.”
“I felt for the Wendigo.” There is a sorrow in Jason’s tone that can’t be denied. “He thought he was meeting his dream skin-walker twins, and it turned out to be Sam and Dean Winchester. Shouldn’t they be in hell or something? I’d like to match those fuckers with a predator and see how that turns out.”
Freddy seems determined to accentuate the positive. “But we also managed to take a bad situation and turn it into something good. The chick from It Follows signed up. Did she have an STD? Yes. Could that have been a scandal? Sure. But we decided to make the best of it, and anyone she sleeps with gets a twenty-five percent off discount.”
“We had so many signups from that one chick.” Jason’s head shakes. “So many. We did the contact tracing out of sheer curiosity. It was really a turning point for us financially.”
I have so many questions for them. “Have either of you used the app to find your own match?”
They turn to each other but Freddy is the one who blushes. Well, as much as a man with a horrifically scarred face can blush.
“The algorithm has taught us a lot,” he says. “I learned to be way more open-minded.”
“He thought he was strictly hetero,” Jason tosses out. “But I’ve seen his work. I always knew he was bi. When Edward showed up, I was sure they would be a match.”
Freddy shows my photographer and I pictures of his recent wedding to Edward Scissorhands. It looks to be a beautiful affair, with some of the loveliest topiaries I have ever seen. We ooh and aah over the gorgeous couple’s photos.
“He really reminded me of this guy I killed once,” Freddy says fondly. “You know the universe is a strange place. This marriage feels like a second chance.”
As we wrap up the session my photographer gets a little flirty with Jason, who reminds us all that he’s still out there, still looking.
“Monsters need love, too,” he announces. “We need a reason to get up every day and do our jobs. Revenge is great in the beginning, but I want something more. I want a wife who is invested in our family business. Maybe a couple of kids I can teach the trade too.”
He asks my photographer if she’d like to grab a drink with him, and Jillian is more than happy to do so.
Monsters, it seems, aren’t so bad.
I believe that right until the moment I feel the knife in my back. I turn and my eyes widen in horror as I am confronted with new client Michael Myers.
Freddy rolls his eyes. “Damn it, she’s a reporter, man.”
“She’s doing a story on us.” Jason sighs as I hit the floor.
Michael simply shrugs. “What was I supposed to do? It’s Halloween.”
I could have had better timing…